So, you found someone interesting. Their profile caught your eye, their smile is charming, and now you’re staring at the screen, thinking:
“What do I even say?”
Don’t worry—you’re not alone. Sending the first message can feel a little scary, but it doesn’t have to be. A great first message isn’t about being clever or writing a novel. It’s about being real, friendly, and curious.
Here’s how to do it—with confidence.
1. Don’t Just Say “Hi”
“Hi” or “Hey” is polite, but it’s also easy to ignore. These messages often get lost in a sea of others. If you want a reply, give the person something to respond to.
2. Start With Something from Their Profile
People love when you notice the small things.
👉 Examples:
- “I saw you love hiking—do you have a favorite trail?”
- “You mentioned cooking. What’s your signature dish?”
- “I’ve never been to Italy, but your photo there looks amazing—was it as good as it looks?”
Even a small detail shows effort, and it makes your message feel personal.
3. Ask a Light, Fun Question
Not too deep, not too serious—just something easy to answer.
👉 Try questions like:
- “If you could teleport anywhere right now, where would you go?”
- “Are you more of a morning person or night owl?”
- “What’s a movie you could watch a hundred times?”
This starts a playful, comfortable conversation.
4. Keep It Short and Sweet
Your message doesn’t need to be long—2–4 sentences is perfect. Enough to show interest, but not so much that it feels overwhelming.
5. Be Yourself
You don’t need to sound perfect. Just sound like you. A little humor, a little kindness, and a touch of curiosity go a long way.
6. Avoid Copy-Paste Messages
If it looks like you sent the same message to 20 people… it probably won’t get a reply. People can tell when a message is generic. Custom is always better—even if it’s just changing one sentence.
7. Don’t Worry Too Much
Not everyone will reply. And that’s okay. Online dating is a numbers game—but with real emotions. The more natural and positive your message feels, the better your chances.
Bonus: Message Template Ideas
Need a little help getting started? Here are some simple examples:
📝 “Hey [name], I loved what you wrote about [topic]. That’s rare to see! Mind if I ask—how did you get into that?”
📝 “Hi! I noticed you’re into [interest]. That’s awesome—I’m just getting into it myself. Any tips?”
📝 “Okay, I have to ask: your dog looks like a professional model. What’s their name?”
Final Thought
Sending the first message doesn’t have to be perfect. It just needs to be you—kind, curious, and open to a real connection. Take a breath, write it out, and hit send. You never know where one small message might lead.